Here's what's wrong

While there is so much turmoil and disagreement happening in our country right now, I am choosing to stay in the moment, to focus on raising intelligent children capable of researching the issues, listening instead of yelling, and trying to take a step back from it all. Today we were lucky enough to head to regionals for Bman's swim meet. It was only an hour away and we had a great day.

Here's the problem, as I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to watch my child swim, I heard an interaction that hit me as one of the issues we have as a country today. I do not know who the people were as there were schools from all over the area participating in the meet. However, I have heard situations like this many other times and I am guilty of it also.

Child walking up to mom on bleachers
"Mooomm, I waaant a sour ring pop!"

"Didn't Jamie's daddy just buy you a ring pop sweetie?"

"Yeaahhh, but that was a regular one and I waaannt a sour one."

"Ok sweetie. Wait till [your sibling] swims and we can go get one!"

"But I just reeallly want a sour one! Jamie's daddy just got me a regular one and I want a sour one!"
(Child stomping)

"Ok hun, just a sec."

Child stares expectantly.
"Pleeeaase mom!"

"Maybe we should just be thankful we have one?"

"No, I really want a sour one."

Mom digs in pocket and pulls out money
"Ok, ok. Go get one. I'll be there in a minute."

First of all there have and always will be spoiled children and this child probably or maybe just had this one incident of whining to get something they wanted. My kids whine to get things too. The problem here is that we are raising greedy, greedy children and all the while second guessing our own advice, showing our children we don't need to be listened to.

Giving in to the demands was only the mother's first mistake. And again, I do this too. So I am not condemning her because who is perfect? Giving in every once in a while isn't going to totally spoil our children. However, what happens when that becomes a habit? The second mistake in this interaction was the mom suggesting thankfulness that the child received the candy as a gift from another parent but suggesting it as a question. As if she was unsure of the answer. Then after hearing her child's "No" she proceeded to not only give in, but not even stand by her original instruction to wait until the very next swim was over.

I recently recognized this behavior in my household when we started to change our eating habits. I found that the foods I wouldn't put in my body, I was giving in on and giving them to my children simply because "They are kids and what does a candy bar hurt?" If it hurts me and my body, what does it do to them? I found that while my first answer was often, "No hun, but we can have some cashews and raisins, or ants on a log," after two or three more whiney requests, I often gave in!!!

What is this teaching our children? To keep whining? That our parental authority doesn't mean much?  That healthy food or whatever we are saying no to doesn't apply to them? In the example above what does it say to the child that the gift from another was just taken for granted and it wasn't "good enough"? What does originally saying "wait" and then not following through with teaching them patience give them in the long run? In a world of instant gratification, a bit of waiting for a reward, in order to support a sibling in their endeavors, is a good thing.

I have recently been trying to foster thankfulness, patience, and a deep respect for and taking care of our amazing bodies in my children. Recently I was very proud of my Z with the way she handled a situation with a generous older gentleman. While we were heading to the library and older man stopped us and said he heard my delightful children getting out of our van and he had something for them. He opened his car door and had a big tote full off brand new stuffed animals. While that seems a bit creepy his wife was slowly making her way across the street with her walker and explained he enjoys giving them out as gifts to children and other delightful folk he meets. He proceeded to pick out an animal for each child but when he got to Z he didn't quite know which one he felt was for her. He picked out two and asked her to decide which one she liked. I could see that she had her eye on something else but quickly came to the present moment and told him his first choice, a small fuzzy orange/brown bear was perfect. My children thanked the man many times over and as we walked inside I asked Z what she was doing when she hesitated.

"I saw one of those colorful stuffies with the great big eyes in the tote Mom. You know one of those that I really, really like. I was going to ask him for that one, but then I realized that he carefully picked out this first bear just for me and his choice just for me was much, much better."

I was proud of her in that moment. She realized that when someone gives you a gift it needs to be met with gratitude. This is a long way from the child that once cried when she didn't get one thing or another during Christmas or an already fun filled event.

Rest assured we also talked about not letting anyone, of any age, lure them to their car with promises of gifts, candy, etc. But I was with them, we were in a parking lot with other people going in and out and since they were in the handicapped spot we were very, very visible. I felt a bit sad during that conversation though because I remember the days of older people carrying butterscotch or peppermint in their pockets and giving it to me as a child simply because they enjoyed seeing a child happy.

Ps: Please, please excuse my typos. This was composed mobile and my silly phone won't let me edit right now. My typos are driving me crazy!!